Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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