2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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