My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
