I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
