I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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