No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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