No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
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Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
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it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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