The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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