The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
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