her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Randomize
