He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
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