id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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