Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
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It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
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We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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