I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
