I only kidnapped one of them. chill
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
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