um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Randomize
