How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
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Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
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He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
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