dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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