Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Randomize
