8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
Randomize
