I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
My feet surprised me
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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