The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
