i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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