can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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