The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Randomize
