Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
