You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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