he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
why is half of my head shaved?
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