even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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