I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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