Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
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Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
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We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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