Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Randomize
