This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
