Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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