just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
