my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Randomize
