So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
