That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
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