she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
