Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
