I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
