i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
barbara walters just said penis...
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Randomize
