I cannot find my penis.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
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