The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
