So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
