There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
only you would photoshop your dick
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
