I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Randomize