Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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