All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
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