I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
