areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
