Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
