I wish my penis had an off switch
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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