PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Even my vagina gasped.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
