So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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