you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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