i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Randomize
