I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
This toilet bowl is my home.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
