he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
